Draculette

The wrong end of the stick

Quote of the day:

"You stupid bastards. I've been trying to set this up for months. You've just ruined it when it was getting interesting"

Woman, Holland.

This words were uttered by a lady whose gag was removed when police in Holland, supposedly 'freed' the handcuffed, gagged, blindfolded, high-heel-fishnet-stocking clad young woman. "That really is a gun in your pocket officer and I don't think you're very pleased to see me" is probably what the little hussy was thinking.

The road was blocked and her half undressed friend was ordered to lie face down at gunpoint before she kindly cleared up the little misunderstanding. This was meant to be a hassle-free elaborate sex game with real-life motorways and vehicles and everything.

Police had received reports that a young woman was manhandled by three men and bundled at the back of a van. The police, doing what they do, chased the aforementioned van. The 22 police officers , believing they were foiling a kidnap plot, tracked the van for 30km in a helicopter, squad cars and motorbikes, (yes, helicopter, squad cars AND motorbikes). The three men aged 36, 39 and 58 were subsequently freed.

Listen love, I know you're probably a freelance accountant or maybe something twee like a middle-class-yoga-going-wheat- and-gluten-free housewife who thinks about things like the different uses of flaxseed oil, but LOVE, you are not completely guilt-free when it cums to wasting police time, so either set up an elaborate-fantasy club with your own grounds or just stay at home and use your imagination and a battery powered implement like the rest of the world. 

Nice bit of skirt

Well, here's something that might cheer us all up. Now, there has allegedly been this craze in Japan where these skirts are worn and they look see-through but actually they are prints to make it look like you can see their arse. Men or women no longer have to imagine, they can look and linger withour fear of being caught. I did a little site trawling and everyone was giggling at the Japanese and their silliness, blogs, websites etc....

I eventually came across the sceptics. It seems that it's possible that the pictures were carefully posed to create the striking image. You see, the arses are remarkable since the leg position of the real woman match the upper thigh position of the pert printed arse.

Imagine if people really wore these clothes, hours of fun on a depressingly crowded tube, people would be unashamedly staring because they can. or imagine if the front was like that (no, not another arse, that would just be weird but the front, you know) and imagine if men wore them too. People should be made to print their real body parts on to their clothes, does it make it ok if it's someone else's arse but really rude if it's your own?While

I ponder these questions of universal significance, it is of paramount importance to note that I have become a rather sad individual with obviously too much time on their hands to be thinking and writing about this.

But (butt ...geddit), even if someone has made this all up just to take some funny pictures, I salute you, whoever you are Mr I-made-funny-pictures-to-keep-the-world-guessing-but-in-a-coquettish-and-pseudo-voyeuristic-mildly-sexually-alluring-sort-of-way-man, for giving me something to snigger about when I sit alone, at my computer writing this, drinking wine (alone again), safe in the knowledge that there are millions of people sitting on their posteriors doing something not completely disimilar.

Bottoms up...can't think of too many puns (buns...geddit).

I give up.

The Jazz singer

I went to a fantastic concert recently courtesy of my friends at the Leo Film and Books Agency.

Alisa Kaufman is an accomplished musician and jazz/bossanova singer and this was her London Debut. Sitting there, listening to her, I almost forgot about the bitter cold and damp greyness and the northern line and cheap wine that awaited us upon our exit. Her passion for the music made me think of Brazil, Spain and South America, nice weather, nice people, Rioja and tapas and that is some achievement during the drab London winter.

Her clear voice  provides a very disctinct style which allows her to make each song her own. The jazzy beat was very satisfying and in a couple of pieces, the composition wavered from the norm which gave the songs a modern edge and developed a new sound. The second guitarist and pianist/keyboard player were showcasing their individual skills as well as supporting  Alisa. The excellent musicianship of each performer gave the music a very rich and meticulous feel which was just wonderful.

This lady and her musicians will be snapped before you can say "My my, it's hot in here", and it certainly was.

I wish them the very best of luck.